Male with Borderline Personality Disorder

I surely have Borderline Personality Disorder and as an adult am useless to society. maybe my statistics could prove useful to you. 

Sex: male and heterosexual.
Age: 41
Education: completed school (10th standard) then till 12th w/ above average marks. but the exams are made easy to keep a good image. I was observed by an elder friend as "there is something different about you". Since he was nearly snearing the implication was clear.

From that day I've had to beg for friendship. Boy, it costs!

Exceptional education:
qualified JEE for IIT bombay. Joint college, and left it incomplete, as an alcoholic, remained w/ parents till 32 doing almost nothing but reading and taking drugs (oral:ephedrine, dexedrine (aaah), nearly all types of mood correctors and downers). At age 32 re-joined the college which provided me w/ a degree and then completed masters in aerospace engineering. Left IIT as I was asked to leave. Mis-used Internet facilities by first setting them up and then visiting only pornographic sites. No one could tolerate me and would actually take another path if they saw me ahead! Then was told to leave. Today I visit BPD sites and try to provide info as others info helped me.

Country:
India

Height:
5 feet 10 inches

Color of skin and Hair and eyes:
fair indian (brown maybe for you), black, black.

Built:
Strong.

Seems silly giving above data. But how can I decide what you need?

Self-Cutting:
ONLY when intoxicated. Left shoulders and arms, thighs, rib muscles, using shaving blades. Always felt foolish on waking. But loved fondling wounds. I never cut today, but the idea of fondling is good. It seems normal inside but recognise it as a fetish (non-sexual) as I am writing this.

Suicide:
Many strong attempts, always while drunk. Use of blades on left wrist mutiple (ughhhh) times. Nearly died after swallowing peto-barbitone powder stolen from nearby hospital lab, meant for research.
Sent to a mental hospital but I jumped the wall the next morning.

Sexual Orientation:
Hetro, and extremely voyeurish. Used to spend 3-4 hours of paid time while at IIT trying to see upskirt at library. A girl went to the extent of shouting "bastard" loudly at me. No it did not stop me. Even if I am not horny, upskirt has a special place. It causes intence pleasure and face flushing and tachychardia. I have to stop it due to arrythmia's. I do have an ok medical vocabulary thanks to Goodmann-Gillman, "Thereaputical Basis for Pharmacology".

Present Life:
Live with a lovely 30 year old female, my wife. She provides for me. Use (mis-use) the Internet, download programs. Learning (very slowly) computing methedologies. Like I know C, Java, FORTRAN IV, CGI scripting, adressing harware ports using C++ envinonment. I am of age 41 years.

Right now I am coming off from codeine, tramadol HCL, addiction. Alprazolam is GOD's own drug for me. Use it for months, switch to alcohol, turkey it out, etc.

A point to make: While your stories published are mainly from females all seem to have this "love" problem. This is not seen in me. I have no abandonment concept and only have great difficulty keeping my self image and I am who I may be with. I think even my I.Q changes with the kind of person I am with. I can converse with anyone on any subject till they get irritated at my pointed questions.