Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

Hello i was told that i had borderline personality disorder (BPD) 4 years ago. I'm 21 now and i will say that living or should I say suffering with BPD is like a never ending hell. What im tying to say is that having BPD is like a never ending struggle towards myself. I feel like a time bomb just waiting to explode. The hardest thing about it is trying to get my mind to shut up and to do it as soon as possible before i make a bad situation 10 times worse and hurt someone i love in the process, and then all borderlines know what our minds would have to deal with next, the unbearable guilt, which only makes me feel even more not normal. 

It isn't easy living with BPD but I must say that it is very possible. I don't feel like i have completely overcome BPD. The next step for me is my self worth issue, I'm in search of something to do with my life to make me feel proud of myself. I totally feel like if i do that that for me would be another major step to i guess i should say more normal thinking. Oh and trust me my mind will never let it go until i do so, but i guess that's good in some sense. I just have to tell myself over and over that i wont give up until I get what I want out of my life, BPD or not .

BUT on the other hand i have to remember not to let myself get to wrapped up in how I want my life to be or that could cause another conflict in my head to start obsessing on and everyone who knows BPDs would know that's not a good thing. Oh and a message to all my fellow BPDs just remember that you're not worthless and there can be light at the end of the holes we dig ourselves into.

Anonymous