Borderline Personality Disorder Older Person Isolating 

When I was younger, I used to have social circles. Yes they were difficult. There were many times I felt betrayed, humiliated, hurt, and angry. I felt everything to the extreme. Yet, people liked me in spite of my moods. I had a tendency to isolate occasionally. And during those periods, I would sort of recuperate then jump back in to the routine. Recuperating was a good thing, but after some time passed, I'd feel lonely and empty, and feel like all my friends would be gone when I came back. Anxiety, depression, and fear of abandonment ruled my world.

Now, I'm 37 and I have no energy for relationships. I'm a single parent and I have enough energy only for my son. I don't even have the desire for a friendship. I really think that years of turmoil left me exhausted and frozen inside. I often feel that this attitude is not a healthy one, because we need others. Humans need other humans. I feel now that if someone offered their friendship and asked me to "Lean on them" that I would lean so hard, it would knock them down . So for now, I choose to be safe and stoic.

Anonymous Person with BPD