Consumer Interviews

Age 
26

Gender
Female

Are you under care of a Doctor, Psychiatrist, Therapist, Other? Please List
Psychiatrist, Psychologist, group therapy, occupational therapist, case manager, telephone support

What is your diagnosis or diagnoses?
Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depression, dysthymia, Histrionic Personality Disorder, Bulimia

At what age were you diagnosed with the borderline personality disorder and/or bipolar disorder?
24

Have you gotten better or worse? 
Better (marginally)

Has medication helped?
Moderately. I am currently on Effexor (300mg), Rivotril (2mg) and Seroquel (50mg)

*What advice would you like to give to others who are suffering from your same illness('s)?
Take responsibility for your life. Read as much as you can on your diagnosis. Realize that everything you do is a choice, that you behave the way you do for good reasons but that you can find ways of functioning more healthily. 

Do not lay down and just decide to be sick for the rest of your life. If you are suicidal, try considering all those who are dying and would give anything to live. Consider whether or not you should throw away the body you have.

Have you ever felt stigmatized due to having the BPD and/or bipolar disorder? 
Mainly by psychiatrists! They just don't seem to take it seriously. Older relatives have not been told by my parents that I have a mental dysfunction.

Have you ever felt you have been looked down on or put down by others because you have the BPD and/or BP? Tell us about it.
Again, mostly by psychiatrists. A few particular docs and nurses at the psych ER literally rush me back out the door when they see me coming. I have sat down and yelled "I am suicidal NOW" and have still been put back on the street to make my attempt within hours of arriving at the hospital.

What do you know now that you wish you would have known long ago?
N/A

How have these disorder(s) interfered in your life? Which areas? 
I dropped out of grad school. I went into a trade and couldn't finish a 180 hr. course. I lost my fiancée. I almost lost one best friend and did lose another. I am now living in poverty because I have a choice between working and feeling sane. I have to choose feeling sane.

* What does it feel like to have your disorder? 

Like I'm not sure who I'm going to be one hour to the next. I can't plan ahead because I can't be sure that if I make a date I will even remember ever speaking of it as my memory fails when I am psychotically anxious (which is at least once every two days). Like no one believes me when I say I'm suffering.

*Have you ever felt seriously suicidal? How many times? What got you through that (those times)?

I have attempted twice. I have no idea what got me through. My friends, I think.