Consumer Interviews

Age 

22 

Gender

Female

Are you under care of a Doctor, Psychiatrist, Therapist, Other? Please List
Psychiatrist, Therapist, Endocrinologist

What is your diagnosis or diagnoses?
Bipolar Disorder with psychotic tendencies, Agoraphobia, Panic Disorder, Bulimia, Borderline Personality Disorder, OCD

At what age were you diagnosed with the borderline personality disorder and/or bipolar disorder?
Both disorders diagnosed at age 19

Have you gotten better or worse?
So much worse you cannot even imagine.

If you've gotten worse, what do you feel made you worse?
I feel that they are only treating part of my problems, and that because there are so many they are taking too long to get to the others so the others are making the ones that were once mild, severe again. 

Has medication helped?
Medication helps at some points, it depends on the medication.

*What advice would you like to give to others who are suffering from your same illness('s)?
I am so sorry, I am so so sorry you have to go through this, and I can give you no advice, expect remember who you are, don't lose yourself in this mess. Don't let the illness become you!

Have you ever felt stigmatized due to having the BPD and/or bipolar disorder? Have you ever felt you have been looked down on or put down by others because you have the BPD and/or BP? Tell us about it.
The first time was when I tried to have my apt. complex company sign <2 lines by the way> on some papers so I could get monetary assistance with medical bills, etc. They have never treated me the same again.

What do you know now that you wish you would have known long ago?
You do need to take medication, you do need to keep seeing your therapist even if you feel its in a slump at the time. You can't give up. Because that just means you have to start all over again, and that is absolutely no fun.

How have these disorder(s) interfered in your life? Which areas? 
I have not been able to work, keep normal relationships with people. I can't react normally to a situation anymore. I feel my mind slipping. my memory <and I'm only 22> My schooling. Just about every G D'd area of my life is on hold.

* What does it feel like to have your disorder? 
It feels like hell. A slow, steady drowning in ice cold water, and I'm near my last breaths

*Have you ever felt seriously suicidal? How many times? What got you through that (those times)?
Yes, I have felt suicidal more times than I can count over 100 I'd say. I've tried to overdose. Much to my dismay, my attempt failed. I am seriously not sure what got me through. I suppose knowing what it would do to my family. My fiancée. My terminally ill grandfather, my very ill mother. I'm not important enough to go through with ending my suffering, they suffer and still survive. I suppose I'll try once again.

i'm a 21 year old female with bipolar/explosive personality, agoraphobia, panic disorder, bulimia, and mild ocd. I was diagnosed with "depression" when i was 14 and since have just gone down hill from there. Meds have made me gain weight and I am severely bulimic because I hate my body. I self mutilate and have been doing so for 6 years. I've been hospitalized, seen 16 different therapists, and still here I am this raging maniac on a downward spiral. Sometimes i fantasize about other 21 year olds and how they get to go on dates, and have fun, movies, shop, whatever the hell a normal 21 year old does, school, ahhhhh yes school the most hellish place ive ever been to....i cant even go back to college because of my trauma in high school. its not fair that I have to suffer like this when i have so much to give, when my god damn iq is so freaking high the doctors were stunned...its not freaking fair that i have to wade through this sea of confusion and self hatred every damn day. when does it get better? how many different medicines can they put me on? how many tests can i have done, how much blood can they draw,.................when is it going to end..................