Consumer Interviews

Age: 47

Gender: F

Are you under care of a Doctor, Psychiatrist, Therapist, Other? Please List

I'm under the care of a psychiatrist.

What is your diagnosis or diagnoses?

I think it's a combination of mood disorder and anxiety disorder, and borderline personality disorder.

At what age were you diagnosed with the borderline personality disorder?

Recently. About age 45.

Have you gotten better or worse? 

I've gotten worse, in terms of not being able to get off any medication. 

If you've gotten worse, what do you feel made you worse?

My life is stressful. I work at Microsoft because of the money. I have very few friends who live nearby.

** Very Important Question If You Could Answer Fully -> If you have gotten better, what specifically has helped you? This could be different for every person.

Exercise does help me, and I try to do it when I can. When I feel paralyzed, I can't do anything.

Has medication helped?

I think it's the only thing keeping me together.

*What advice would you like to give to others who are suffering from your same illness('s)?

Be as honest as you can. Get help. Try to find compassion wherever you can.

* Have you ever felt stigmatized due to having the BPD? Have you ever felt you have been looked down on or put down by others because you have the BPD? Tell us about it.

I have felt stigmatized, though sometimes I think I imagine it. I'm sure most people think there's something wrong with me, but generally I try to hide it.

What do you know now that you wish you would have known long ago?

Keeping close friends is a big thing. It's comforting to know that people really love you for who you are. I lost many friends, either because I was stricken with this disease, or just thought I'd always make friends along the way. It's harder as you get older. 

How have these disorder(s) interfered in your life? Which areas? 

The stress from work has caused me to have several breakdowns, seizures, and suicide attempts, and hospitalizations. Not working makes me feel very alone, and I don't find ways to structure my time.

* What does it feel like to have your disorder? 

It feels uncomfortable most all the time. I feel like I have to pretend when I go through life.

*Have you ever felt seriously suicidal? How many times? What got you through that (those times)?

I've been suicidal about five or six times. I've ended up in the hospital, and wanting to get out of the hospital after seeing the people there has made me feel better than the people I've been with. I've escaped the hospital feeling like it's better to feel ill, but never to get into a situation where I have to go to a hospital. Caring doctors and friends have also helped.