Consumers Share What Has Helped Them

The only thing that I would add is that I have found that most people, even those who mean well, are very quick to comment on it when I'm not doing well, even if they do it supportively, but no-one says anything when, for example, I go through a crisis and DON'T hurt myself or scream at people, but actually cope well.  I think that this is because, to them, it just seems normal so they don't notice it, but it's very hard to put in so much effort and work, actually achieve something, and never get any support for that.  

I also find it helpful for my friends and family to set boundaries for me; of course, sometimes I cross them big time, but I do have a mental list of people who can and cannot be called crying at 3 am, and people who can and cannot cope with certain behaviors, so I can try to edit who I see at certain times etc.  Some part of my brain does actually remember these "rules" and it makes a difference, even when I'm out of my mind.  It feels safer, too, sort of like how they say children feel safer with rules and discipline.   

I found that things are much easier with the friends who read the information that I sent to them about borderline personality disorder (BPD), and who asked me questions about how to cope with me etc.  Some of it was really basic, eg. I can't stand being hung up on or walked out on when I'm upset or arguing, so now those friends who asked don't hang up on me when I scream at them, but tell me they're feeling uncomfortable and that they'll only be able to give me another 3 minutes or something; then they tell me as the time passes.  This helps because I don't feel suddenly abandoned.  Also, one of my big problems is I'll be arguing, or even discussing something interesting and I'll get sucked into it so deep that I don't have any perspective and I'm getting all worked up over a conversation about which is the best breakfast cereal.  So my friends have learned to snap me back out by making a break in the flow, like suggesting we go outside and talk, or going to the bathroom, and I'll zoom out into a full-perspective picture and wonder how on earth I got in so deep that all I could see was this pinpoint detail of what we were talking about, and it calms me down immediately.  I feel like a fool when they (or I!) get back, but I also apologize for being so vehement, and that helps them too.   That's the worst thing, for me, about BPD, is that I know how destructive my behavior can be to others, and sometimes I know even when I'm doing it, but I can't control it.  

Telling them I'm sorry and how much I appreciate them afterwards doesn't seem enough, for me or, more importantly, for them.  Even the ones who have read about BPD don't understand how you can be so aware of what's wrong and why and yet still act out.