Consumers Share What Has Helped Them

Growing up in today’s world, I have found that people suffer from many types of struggles. For me, that struggle was learning to cope with the Bipolar Disorder.

I may only be sixteen, but I have had to endure a lot in my life. I suffer from several chronic illnesses that have left me spending at least 49 days out of every year in the hospital since I was five. With these illnesses, I was forced to grow up very fast, and I lost a lot of my friends because they did not want to be known as the ones who hung out with the “different” girl.

Eventually, this situation became very depressing. My parents’ marriage fell apart because they could not take the stress that my poor health caused, and my dad began to smoke. I was very smart, but I was also very lonely. Far ahead of the other students in my class, I would often sit alone and do nothing, except dwell on my ill-fated family life. By the time I turned thirteen, I had a drinking problem.

I was bullied by just about everyone in school. At lunch, I was too afraid to go to the cafeteria, for I thought I would be tripped. Even in my junior year of high school, life is still that way. I have tried to kill myself multiple times during wild mood swings, and I spent most of my sophomore year in a locked ward. I wasn’t diagnosed as BP until two years ago, but, looking back, my wild mood swings between manic and depressed and my self-mutilation have been going on since I was about seven years old.

Ever since, the diagnoses haven’t stopped coming. BP, BPD, SAD, ADD, insomnia…what’s next? However, I have not let this stop me. With the help of therapy, I have slowly started to get my life back on track. Among other things, I am now an honor student, a Rotary ambassador, an advocate for disabled children, an award-winning debater, a recognized author and poet, and an international ambassador. 

I also own my own business and spend a lot of time working with clinically depressed teens. I no longer drink, and I very seldom cut.

Honestly, though, my music is what has kept me alive. There has always been music playing inside my head, for as long as I remember. An indefinable, elusive tune weaving in and out of my consciousness. I've spent my entire life trying to duplicate the song, as I've always felt the need to create and play music, sharing it, singing and playing and performing. When I play, it's like a window is opened on my soul.

Performing on flute and piccolo is my way of making sure that I am still alive. I've lost a lot. When I play, it's as if I'm confirming that I still have my soul.

I'll keep playing, keep performing, shouting to the world that I'm here, that I'm alive, that I'm stronger than ever before because of what I have been through. My song is richer, deeper and has more meaning, because my soul is, too. I know as long as I can hear the music, I will stay alive.