An Object Relations Approach to Understanding Unusual Behaviors and Disturbances

III. In Depth on Rapprochement Behaviors and Complexes

Shadowing and Darting Away.

This dynamic operates like a push-pull behavior. In essence, the child runs away from mother and expects to be swooped up in the safely of her arms. Ambivalence is striking and evident since the child wishes for dependence on mother (shadowing) and then independence (darting away). It becomes a flirtatious game of play, of testing new capacities toward independence. It can also become an ambivalent nightmare. However, there are times the junior toddler may not wish to be swoop up and may react with rage on contact. Other times the child is permitted greater expansions that may lead to the engulfment of the void, and this emptiness may also cause rage. To the observer it appears as a no-win situation. During this period the child is in an emotional crises and cannot tolerate ambivalence.

Abandonment

When a child becomes separated from mother before he is emotionally ready, his libido reserves may not be sufficiently in place to overcome separation anxiety. This anxiety engenders insecurity and neediness. 

The rapprochement toddler is peculiarly vulnerable due to his increasing autonomy along with his elevated cognation. He can no longer contain the illusion of the symbiotic orbit that he and mother operate as one. As the rapprochement toddler separates, his individualization is more apparent because reality is gaining ground. There is a growing realization that mother will not share in his quest for new discoveries at his beck-and-call. We now have a clash. The elated ‘superman’ qualities from the practicing phase (NPD) are now head-on with the depressive and anxiety rapprochement phase (BPD). The toddler has gone from a ‘high’ to a ‘low’ in a short time during the shift from one phase to the next. Some theorists speculate that resolution of the rapprochement phase sets toddler’s ‘base mood’ for life. This model suggests that is it prudent that good-enough mother establishes attunement with her toddler to survive the rapprochement crisis.

A child that is deprived from being emotionally refueled can be haunted with pervasive emptiness and a lack of identify, or a loss of self. This is how one fixated adult put it:

It’s hard to be a child in a grown up world. It’s a feeling of being lost. It’s sad sometimes because when I see other children they don’t look lost. They have parents, structure and guidelines. This helped them grow and form into an adult. They went through the maze and arrived at the other end. It was a maze I have never had the opportunity to enter. What is structure? I remember at 6 being on the other side of town in the blackness of the night. No one cared where I was. What are parents? I can’t ever remember being loved, rocked, cuddled or held. I have no memory traces of this. What are guidelines? I had none and made them up as I went along in life. I’m afraid my guidelines are not very stable since I didn’t have a measuring stick that was constant in my life. Is it any wonder that I am still a lost child that is pretending to be an adult?

Engulfment

On the flip side, a mother that projects her insecurities (i.e. obsession with perfection, fear) onto her infant through constant handling can prevent the infant’s satisfaction through exploration. With mother’s incessant patterns of containment, the infant may resent her encroachment of his expanding world. The infant may learn to scan the restricted environment for opportunities to experience his independence. As the child progresses, engulfment may looked as though it were a glass bubble. Freedom is imposed and deferred to inappropriate responsibilities that gives the impression the child is a ‘little adult.’ This encroaches on his developing identity since to ‘mother himself’ takes on a distorted view of individually in the formation of the false-self. In other words, the child is being taken intellectually advantage of with no regard for his developmental and emotional lag. Kramer validates “Cut off from the needed relationship and parental regulatory help, the child is at the mercy of the inner impulses and feelings…the child does not experience the usual parental pleasure in the child’s growth. Instead, the child feels used in the service of the parent’s anxieties and needs [1].In a clear sense, this can be seen when the older child assumes the adult role of caretaker without sufficient provision for libidinous nurturing and affection. A child that is saddled with added responsibilities without appropriate developmental nurturing is at risk for developmental fixation.

The Rapprochement Crisis

As the child becomes psychically and cognitively aware of his new budding world, he becomes increasingly conscious that he can no longer maintain his delusional symbiotic orbit with mother.  Mahler states that “While individuation proceeds very rapidly and the child exercises it to the limit, he also becomes more and more aware of his separateness from mother.” The crisis of the rapprochement subphase heightens as the child realizes mother is not an extension of himself, but he is rather a small, helpless diminutive individual. In contrast to the practicing phase when the child’s narcissism was at its peak and the world was his oyster sort of speak, the child is now overwhelmed with narcissist injury on a daily basis. The world that seemed as a treasure trove for new opportunities to conquer with his new ambulatory locomotion during the practicing phase is now being delineated by the harsher psychical boundaries of reality. He cannot do as he anticipated. It begins to dawn on him that he is not as grandiose or powerful as his first imagined.

Transitional Object

Winnicott who coined the term transitional object suggested that the child intimately cathected (energized) the object (diaper, blanket, etc) with the libidinal investment of mother. “Transitional objects tend to be soft and are capable of being cuddly; they help evoke primitive memories of being held, comforted, fed and, importantly, played with. Eventually, probably 70 percent of children in separately bedded situations (Ekecranz and Ruhde 1971) have transitional objects (blankets, diapers, stuffed animals)[8]. The cathexis of the transitional object usually begins during the preverbal period and depending on the resolution of the separation – individualization phase, the transitional object may take on a more pervasive function to ease anxiety. It is important to note that the transitional object is within the complete control of the child and yielding unlike the individually of mother. This serves the purpose to help the child separate from mother because the transitional object is available when needed or can be discarded during periods of exploration.

Once the child displays his limited independent abilities, his mother may resent or refuse to partake in his regressive dependencies and the child may feel emotionally abandoned. Other times the when child may be libidinally (love, nurturing, essence) separated from mother via a phone call, or more physically, out of the room for long periods of time. Since the child’s increasing awareness of separation embarks on the transitional period, the transitional object takes on a greater significance if mother is not emotionally available to supply the child with object libido. To help ease libidinal separations the child cathexed an object with representation of mother. Bergman summarizes “The transitional object (Winnicott 1953) of the early months is a object found by the baby which stands between the self- and the object world and provides a safe intermediary area of experience which allows both separateness and fusion.” [2]

Resolution vs. Progression of the Transitional Object

As the child progress through the separation-individualization stages, there is a shift toward object constancy. Maternal supplies bridged with the transitional object can help a child to transition from the powerful influence of the infant-mother dyadic position (symbiotic dual unit), to the “first meaningful triangulation of the infant-mother dyad, the transitional object [8].” The temporary transitional object (aid/support –temporary maternal supply) paves the way to a consistent internalized representation of maternal nurturing and soothing (object constancy) when mother is not available. Grolnick explains, “Transitional objects and phenomena are only the first steps toward the development of, hopefully, an equally treasured symbolic and cultural world.” [8] 

Disturbance in the Transitional Period

Yet on occasion because of the child’s genetic endowment and inability to internalize the maternal object into a satisfactory holding environment, the transitional object remains. It is not uncommon for an individual to puzzle over the idea what went wrong? They may reason, “I had a great childhood and etc.” However, since developmental phases are largely repressed and unconscious, preverbal disturbances are elusive. Perhaps through professional deconstruction, confrontation, examination and the realignment genetic endowment, the unconscious may be brought into the conscious. What may appear as a ‘normal’ rapprochement crisis for one child may completely, and chronically overwhelm another child to create an almost psychotic cathected transitional object. In other words, there is a fixation of libido energy during the transitional period that did not get recathected. To hold and resonate with the transitional object, is to hold and resonate with maternal handling. What remains is the artifact, the libidinally cathected transitional object. Bergman suggests, “It would seem that that the transitional object serves the illusion of oneness…” [2]

IV. Separation Individuation Disturbances

The failure to reach a resolution during the developmental phase can have far reaching implications. “As old, partially unresolved sense of self-identity and of body boundaries, or old conflicts over separation and separateness, can be reactivated (or remain peripherally or even centrally active) at any and all stages of life…” 

Autism

Mahler suggests that in some cases the infant will not hatch out of his autistic orbit if an attunement with mother is too painful. In other words, the infant retreats into his own internal world. The communication between mother and infant are out of sync. The task to resolve the miscommunication may frustrate and prevent the joint path into the symbolic dual unit. The miscommunication may be grounded in the infant’s ego endowment and advancement is too painful, therefore the infant retreats into the autistic realm where mother’s smile is not mirrored back to her.

Symbiotic Magnetic Pull (SMP)

Matterson found that treating certain patients was difficult because there “is still a strong internal regressive pull to maintain the old familiar rewarding object relations unit” [11]. The Symbiotic Magnetic Pull (SMP) derives from the unconscious attraction to the symbiotic orbit of the mother-infant dyad that was experienced when mother was conceptualize as an extension of the self (symbiotic phase), as a container that resolved and metabolized anxiety through her affect modulation. The strength of the SMP is a regressive force, an energy, a ‘pull”. SMP is conceptualized as a nexuses, a oneness with creation, a completeness. For example, this force to return, to regress is exemplified with the rival of baby into the family unit in the face of an older child. 

Here we see “another form of attempted adaptation was identification with the rival baby. Matthew showed signs of wanting to be a baby himself; like this baby brother, of instance, he would climb into the playpen [4]. Mother was intolerant of his regressive behavior and Matthew; the happy radiant child began to adapt aggressive conduct by throwing objects out of frustration. It was observed that Matthew had lost his spark for life in service of the mother, the influence of the false-self, “all of which on superficial observation seemed to be in compliance with mother’s wishes that he be independent and remain her happy little “big” boy [4].

The influence of the SMP will vary depending on the progress on the separation – individualization phase. The greater the symbolic pull, the more likely the individual is developmentally conflicted with unsatisfactory object constancy. If the individual’s development is static and held in abeyance because insufficient maternal reserves are absent or not fully integrated, the individual may become fixated and employ primitive defensive mechanisms (regressions, splitting and etc.) to relive anxiety. 

SMP, Anxiety and Defense Mechanisms

To simplify, anxiety derives from three sources (pressures) of conflict. To simplify, they are (1) pleasure seeking (impulsive) and the aspects needed to survive, (2) morals and perfection, formed out of punishment and rewards, and (3) the external world (reality).  Depending on the source of conflict, defense mechanisms are automatically activated to prevent the individual from the harshness of reality. Defense mechanisms distort or distract an individual from the full impact of reality. If the defense mechanism(s) is successful, a compromise has been reached between the opposing forces toward a decision that enables the discharge or displacement of anxiety. However, when defensives are primitive or ridged, and the personality is rendered with inflexibility, then there is likely a disturbance in the Separation – Individualization phase that is yielding to the SMP. In other words, the inability to defuse anxiety renders the individual prey to the regressive, symbiotic magnetic pull of oneness with creation. Primitive defenses closely orbit the SMP due to its greater gravitational pull, then the more distant orbits of sophisticated defenses.  

Brief Discussion on Defense Mechanisms.

At birth, the infant has no need for defense mechanisms because the ego has not evolved out of the autistic orbit into an awareness that requires a defense. Defense mechanisms protect the ego (self) from anxiety by distorting reality. Defense mechanisms are largely unconscious. Lets run through several of them. 

Primitive Defenses (Close orbit to the SMP)

Regression: Return to an earlier developmental level of functioning prompt by anxiety. For example, an individual overtaken with losses collapsed into a fetal position. An adult clutches a stuffed bunny (transitional object) to ease anxiety. A child temporarily reverts to dependence as a relief from the new responsibilities of independence.

Splitting: Separation of internal objects that create anxiety. For example individuals that cannot tolerate ambivalence (shades of gray) will split a person as ‘all-good’ or ‘all-bad.’ It creates less anxiety to completely hate a person that is ‘all bad.’

Projection: Decrease anxiety by deferring responsibility onto others. It is easier to tolerate ‘You made me do it’ rather then ‘I did it.

”Projection Identification: Projection with intense pressure. There is a decrease in anxiety when pushing an individual into a role to preserve perception. Altering perception would create a mass upheaval within the mind. It is easier to tolerate “He is a liar” by massive projection. This defense creates a target to deposit the hate that resides within the self. In other words, “If I treat you like the bad object long enough, you will become the bad object, and then I have a ‘right’ to hate you.” We could say the treater became the bad object through projective identification. 

Denial: Stops anxiety dead in its tracks. “How can I be upset if it didn’t happen?”  

Sophisticated Defenses (Distant orbit to the SMP)

Rationalization: Excusing the behavior through an internal debate. “So what? I would have happened sooner or later anyway.” Rationalization defends against internalized moral and cultural conflicts. Intellectualization: The use of abstract thought to advert or minimize troublesome emotions (anxiety). For example, a man avoids the emotional grief from the loss of his wife by intellectualizing she had a long life in spite of her illness.

Repression: Evading unwanted anxiety through avoidance. Usually repression is the source from which other defense mechanisms operate. For example the repression of early trauma protects the psych from anxiety.;

Sublimation: The release of anxiety through more appropriate and ‘acceptable’ channels. For example, an individual may release his rage in a sport such as boxing.

Reaction Formation:  Behaving the complete opposite of one’s true desires to avoid anxiety. For example, a pedophile becomes a priest to advert unacceptable impulses. An employee is extra nice to her boss whom she hates to save her job.

Identification: Identification with a role model, parent, teacher etc to avoid anxiety within the self. For example, identification with a committee, a wining team, or organization can deflect anxiety through absorption and participation.

Maturity vs. Fixation and Object Constancy 

After separation – individualization has been sufficiently resolved; a more mature defense against the SMP has evolved. The child is able to internalize a consistent, available image and the essence of mother though repeated satisfactory (good enough) interactions with her. The child’s integrated conceptualization of mother satisfies the demands of the SMP and helps regulate anxiety. We call this object constancy.  

As the child matures and the SMP is adequately satisfied with the constant internalized mother object, a new dynamic begins to take shape reaching into youth and adulthood. The constant object within the youth/adult reverberates with the SMP to form a more integrated sense of self, a new dual unit. The self becomes integrated within the self, no longer seeking the maternal nurturing though the original symbolic mother - infant dyad. What has emerged is an individual that has separated from the unconscious nexuses of mother. The individual is now ready to enter into a more mature libidinous relationship with ‘other’, a life partner.

In the absence of the more mature (integrated) sense of self due to disturbance in the separation individualization phase, manifestations to recreate and replay a failed situation in hopes of a better outcome can become chronically and compulsively intrinsic with the individual’s pathology. Treaters find this especially difficulty according to Matterson and Chathan “They bring nothing into the treatment that will disrupt the symbiotic fantasized relationship with the therapist and thus activate depression [11].

V. Symbiotic Magnetic Pull (SMP) and Manifestations

Because SMP is a regressive force, its vicissitudes may become apparent though the manifestation of unusual behaviors. These behaviors are the result of mechanisms that were created to satisfy the unconscious demands for emotional equilibrium.

Transitional Object Revisited

The transitional object is a defense against the demands of the SMP. The cathected object may enable functioning and impede regression. The transitional object represents a compromise for the unconscious need of maternal supply. In this vignette temporary relief was intermediately attained though contact with the transitional object. An example:

A forty-year-old patient reported that in times of anxiety or insecurity her ‘center’ would ‘pull.’ At times the patient would appear crunched over with her hands pressing on her stomach to hold her ‘insides in’ because the pull was so pervasive. To access relief she would carry a transitional object to establish emotional equilibrium (homeostasis). This worked quite well for her most of the time. Other times her transitional object failed when her ‘center’ pulled with an enormous tension. At those times she would regress and not be able to function.

In preceding vignette the transitional object was the first line of defense against regression. Another example of a transitional object is medication. The patient emotionally refueled when taking her pills that represented the nurturing care of her idealized doctor. Perhaps the placebo effect can be explained in the transitional phenomena. In other words, the (fake) pill worked because it was cathected as transitional object.

We can also see the comforting influence of the transitional object in this case:

“Blanck and Blanck (1979,pp. 156-157) have discussed the use of the transitional objects when the therapist cannot meet with the patients. For example, when they went on vacation, they have one severely disturbed woman their phone number on a piece of paper so that she could have it as a transitional object. The woman never telephoned them, but she felt secure just having the number [11]. 

The author makes the point clear that the transitional object can help maintain the object image of the treater to soothe anxiety.   

Transvestite Manifestation

Disturbance during the rapprochement crisis though sudden, unexpected and prolonged separations with mother can affect the structure building process of the internalized constant object representing mother (The forth subphase). Because there is a disturbance with the libidinous internalized representation of mother, the symbiotic magnetic pull (SMP) manifests in child’s behavior in an unconscious attempt to preserve the relationship. In this example the child does not understand ‘why’ he behaves the why he does, only that is satisfies the demand of the SMP through manifestation of symbiotic representation.

Settlage Case [1]

A 3-year-old boy became preoccupied with girlish activities and insisted on dressing up in mother’s clothes, wearing her jewelry, putting on her perfume and cosmetics, and carrying a purse. At the same time, he showed little or no interest in boyish activities and pursuits.

Beginning at age 18 months, the boy experienced repeated disruptions of his relationship with his mother. She reported that she felt compelled to leave the house. Having made arrangements for a caregiver, she did so, sometimes several times a day. His attempting to become like or identical with mother severed to nullify the threat of separation.

Here we see the genesis of pathology in transvestitism. I suggest that transvestitism occurs more often in the male gender because it is mother who gave birth and the separation individualization process is more difficult based on alignment of gender identity differences the cultural demands on males (big boys don’t cry, etc…).;

Infantilism Manifestation

In true infantilism the individual’s pathology is centered on the transitional object. Depending upon the strength of the SMP from disturbances in the separation individualization phase, an individual may have a neurotic compulsion to regress because the individual is seeking a component of maternal satisfaction from the cathected transitional object rather then in ‘other.’ Usually in infantilism there is object fragmentation (splitting) and the internalized representation of the maternal object is not integrated into a continuing sense of self. During these times ‘significant other’ is not seen as a whole cohesive individual to in their own right, but rather as maternal supply for fusion to satisfy the primitive symbiotic orbit of oneness with creation – mother.

In relationships, coping with fragmentation may be problematic since the fragmented individual oscillates between the need to emotionally refuel with maternal supplies (symbiotic orbit) AND the need to express intimacy in age appropriate manner. The spouse however, is usually an integrated individual that has developmentally matured and cannot understand the significance of the transitional object. For example the significant other may reason, “I should be able to libidinally satisfy all your needs. Toss the transitional object.” However, because the individual is fragmented, and the split-off infantile object (part-self) is developmentally fixated, the resonating transitional object and its concomitants remain as a source for maternal supplies. It is almost as though there is a dual personality (fragmented) in which the individual seeks ‘balance.’