Getting into Mental Health Recovery

 by Patty Fleener M.S.W.

If your mental health is recovering quite well, you and I both know that recovery is possible. However we need to convince everyone else that there is hope and that the light at the end of the tunnel is closer then they think. Am I right?

Remember, there is no "secret" to getting better. You don't have to be a shaman or a guru or even achieve enlightenment to get better. My advice is to learn from those who have gotten better.

You know, I used to think that the only way for me to get better and quit living crisis-oriented was to study about getting better. I figured if I could just read enough books and enough articles, recovery would come, or I would figure it out from the knowledge that I gained.

Needless to say, I was wrong. Psychiatrists and therapists have told me that I live in my head. I am a very cognitive person and until people told me what I was doing, I truly felt that everyone else experienced life the same way.

I was also told that "living in my head" was a way to not feel pain - emotional pain. That made perfect sense to me because as long as I stayed in my head, I didn't feel pain.

I am also not saying that the best way to get better is to experience "a whole bunch of pain." After I learned I couldn't "learn my way" to getting better, I thought the only way was to feel every horrible feeling that was unresolved in my life. What happened when I did that? I got really depressed and had to quit work.

Now, both of the above examples are part of getting better. You can get better a whole lot faster if you are educated about your disorder. Plus, there are times when the only way to heal is to walk directly into the pain. Divorce is a good example.

I remember the first time I saw a therapist; I was at Kaiser Permanente in Sacramento California. I was unhappy with my marriage and I wanted out. That woman told me that in a divorce, I had to go directly through emotional pain to become a healthy person. I was pretty upset because the only reason I went to see her was to find out the "secret" on not feeling pain. I remember I repeatedly asked her "…what if I did this…what if I did that…would I avoid pain? The answer was always "no." I'll tell you that took the magic right out of counseling. In fact, when I received my M.S.W. later on, I knew for sure that there was no magic in therapy. What a let down that was…

One thing also that is important to know is that your recovery experience may be completely different from someone else's. However you will some similarities I believe.

For you and I that have been diagnosed with the borderline personality disorder (BPD) and/or the bipolar disorder (BP), I feel that the very first thing we need to take a look at is medication. Remember that with both of these disorders are MEDICAL. How many times have you heard of someone with the BP getting tired of taking their meds because they feel so normal that they go off of their medications? What happens? Well, the BP shows it's ugly head once again and we once again experience the symptoms of the bipolar disorder.

With the BPD, it is not as simple. For one thing, there is not as much known about the BPD as we know about the BP. But we do know that many, many borderlines have gotten drastically better by taking medications. We do however hear from some that say they are doing well without meds. My only comment on that, as I am not a Dr., is that there are no two borderlines alike. We all experience the BPD differently, yet we of course experience very similar things like fear of abandonment for example. Remember, we don't need to fit each criteria in the DSM IV to be diagnosed with the BPD. 

Many people ask us if they have to be a cutter to have the BPD. The answer is no. I don't cut, never have, and I have the BPD. Do I still meet enough criteria to be diagnosed with the BPD? No I don't. However, if you introduce a great amount of stress in my life, I will bet you a thousand dollars that I will exhibit more symptoms of this disorder.

For me, I need medication. If it were not for medication, I really don't think I would be alive today. Without medication, I experience severe clinical depression, along with severe mania that would probably scare the heck out of you if I were around you. Severe mania in Patty makes people want to call the police.

Is that really me that scares people so bad? No, I don't believe so. My real self is completely smothered by the disorder. In fact, many of us are not sure who we really are because for most of our life, we have been very ill.

After being medically treated I no longer experience depression, rages, mood swings, mania, etc. It is quite a shock to finally discover who I really am and I am in my early 40s. I don't believe that you will have to wait that long. I believe that if you do need medication, that therapy will finally work for you. Everything that did not work before medication will begin to work.

I will say that in my case, I went through many years of drug trials to find the right mix of medications.

There must also be a very strong willingness on your part to stop living in crisis, to really live a whole different way. For me, I had to become so emotionally exhausted with my life style that I simply could not live that way any longer. Also, I did not know of any other way to live. I didn't have a clue of how to live a healthy life. I was not even aware of which behaviors of mine was my illness, my unhealthy way of coping or whether some part of me was "normal."

I learned a lot by taking part in the BPD email support group. I cannot tell you how beneficial that experience was for me.

Another thing I advise is that at some point in your life, drop the BPD label. Sometime during recovery it is vital that you no longer see yourself as a BPD or a BP. There comes a time when you need to move on. There is an old saying that I learned as a social worker. "Act as if you are where you want to be and the feelings will follow." There comes a time when you need to start "faking it" but not too early in your recovery. Remember this label of BPD and bipolar disorder is important in regards to treatment. Without the label, no one will know how to treat you.

Always know too that no matter how you are functioning today or how far you are into your own personal recovery, you are not a BPD, you have the BPD. The BPD is an illness that you have and it is not you. You may not be aware today of completely who you are and that is ok. However I am telling you what you are not. You are not your illness. 

In future emails we can discuss what and who you are even though I have never met you. There are some universal truths.

If you continue to feel that you have borderline personality disorder, you will act this way. Change your self-talk from negative to positive. 

That would be a good thing to discuss in the next newsletter - cognitive therapy and self-talk. In the meantime, do those things to take care of you.