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| Borderline Personality Today | ||||
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Psychotropic
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Q. How common is it among the psychiatric community for one to be
afflicted with the un-ending, overwhelming need for a mother? I have
been posting about it and am finding that I am not alone with this
problem. Yet, one hears so little of it and how to fix it. I have been
seen by many therapists and none seem to have the answer for it (at
least for me). Much has been tried. But the need does not budge in me.
Rejection after rejection, I still find myself searching for someone
to devote themselves to being a mother to me. The need in me won't let
me walk away, even when the threat of rejection is so clear. How
common is this and has any therapist or doctor found a way (or even
tried) to find the answer that would help?
A. You pose an interesting question. The nurturing and care of a mother can probably never be replicated so the search for a mother-surrogate sounds to be one that would never be fruitful. It almost sounds like you are searching for something or someone that doesn't exist. That certainly can be frustrating. And even if you found someone special who initially provided you with what you were looking for (i.e., nurturing, care, unconditional love, etc...) I can't imagine it would be healthy for either of you for that to continue very long. Even moms need to let their children grow up and pursue their own life and interests separate from the mom. So, I am not sure if you will ever find what you are looking for. At this point, it seems more beneficial to work on issues with your therapist that capitalize on what you do have in your life rather than what you don't have in your life. 
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