borderline personality disorder
attachment disorder
parent-child conflict disorder
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Q. I have a 23 yr. old foster son who was diagnosed with attachment disorder, parent-child conflict disorder, and neglect. He and I have bonded as father and son. I know he has affection for me as I have for him, but he has a lot of the symptoms I have been reading about on this type of disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder.

He was sexually abused by his schizophrenic mother at an early age. She would put broom sticks up his anus periodically during one of her periods of insanity!! She also physically abused his older sister and as he watched, there was nothing he could do, so he feels guilty and carries a special bond for her, even though they appear to be very distant. It also seems he has a poor image of himself, not knowing who he is sexually, and engaging in sex with both genders! He is also irresponsible in a lot of areas, but there has been some noted improvement. 

He got himself a part time job to pay off some of his debts he left behind . By the way I had to put him out due to a physical altercation he had with his 7 month pregnant girlfriend. He pushed her through a wall and dropped slammed her on a cement floor, after which he proceeded to forcibly have sex with her. She of course had him arrested, but it was her word against his. 

I have very specific rules governing my home as a Minister I have to answer to a higher authority. So now that he has been out for 5 months he wants to come back home. He is in denial about his symptoms and what he has done, I don't feel as if I can trust him anymore seeing that he did these things while I was at work (I work nights). 

I need some feedback from you A.S.A.P. what are my alternatives? I care a great deal about his well-being and want him to seek some kind of assistance.

A. I am not certain by your description if your foster son is bpd or not. Nevertheless, I wholeheartedly agree that allowing him into your house again after what occurred needs to have some conditions attached to it. Many parents/guardians have required their adult child to be involved in therapy and perhaps psychiatric intervention as a condition of living with them as an adult. Given the description, it would certainly seem reasonable to assume that little has changed emotionally or developmentally for your foster son during the little time he was out of your house. Therefore, it would seem that he would benefit greatly from ongoing therapy to help him with the issues you described.

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